Have you ever experienced a conversation like this with someone?
“I want wild adventure, but I must feel safe at all times.”
“I want to quit my job, but I can’t give up the nice lifestyle I enjoy.”
“I crave more freedom, but I dread losing security.”
“I hate working for someone else, but I’m too afraid to work for myself.”
“I want a better life, but I can’t change anything.”
If it were easy to have it all, you would already have it. Right?
Why would you deny yourself a dream life if it were easy to create? Why would you punish yourself unnecessarily? Why would you suffer?
The reason you’re feeling stuck is that it is not easy! It’s damn hard to build a life that gives you what you want in balance with what you need.
The hard pill to swallow is: Something has to give. You must give up something to gain something.
I’ve learned that 99% of the time when people say, “I can’t!” what they really mean is “I won’t.” They could make the necessary changes if they really wanted to, but they don’t. The pain of remaining the same is slightly less than their fear of change and the unknown.
When I left my corporate career behind in 2010, I spent the next five years trying to have it all. I wanted the freedom of escaping my old 9-to-5 job (more like 7 AM to Midnight). I wanted the stress relief of leaving behind toxic bosses. I wanted the joy of owning my time every day. I wanted the pleasure of reclaiming my health and rediscovering fitness. However, I also wanted to maintain my expensive home, fancy car, and luxurious lifestyle. I tried really hard for those years, but eventually, the harsh reality came crashing down:
I just could not have it all.
So, we discussed a new plan. We decided what we would have to give up to create the new life we desired.
We had to downsize our home.
We had to leave Silicon Valley.
We had to sell the luxury car.
We had to live more simply.
We had to make changes.
I won’t tell you it was easy. That's kind of the point of this episode. It was hard, but it was worth it. Within a few years, we knew it was the right decision. What we had gained was worth far more than what we had “lost.”
Maybe others are telling you that you can “have it all.” I’ve seen plenty of BS posts online about that. But let me be the honest person who will give it to you straight:
Make some hard choices.
Create a spreadsheet with two columns: A. Gain and B. Give up. Decide what you want most in your life and put those items in the Gain column. Choose what you are willing to leave behind and sacrifice so you can have what’s in the Gain column. Put the items you will give up in column B.
Now, create a plan and a schedule to build a roadmap to give up more of column B to have more of column A. This process can take years, by the way. Go slow if you want, but don’t wait long.
By the way, column B is a trap. It’s a noose that tightens more with every new thing you add to it. It’s a golden cage that you may never escape if you keep adding more bars. The longer your Column B list gets, the harder it will be to escape later.
Column A is a delight. The longer you delay gaining the items on that list, the less time you will have to enjoy them. Sadly, most people wait until retirement to pursue that list. So, they don’t enjoy that lifestyle for as long as they could have. Even worse, some of those items have an expiration date. You will be too old to pursue them anymore, or the opportunity has passed. It’s too late.
Want to make this process easier? Here are a few things that can help (I explain them in more detail in the podcast audio, so scroll up and hit play to listen):
Create wiggle room in your professional career.
Become a lifelong learner to avoid stagnation and avoid being left behind.
Develop flexible streams of income outside your primary job.
Build revenue models that aren’t locked into specific locations.
Do not increase the cost of your lifestyle as your income increases.
Aggressively manage your expenses to see if you can reduce them.
Continuously feed funds into your financial cushion for some breathing room.
Get outside your bubble to expand and diversify your network.
Open your mind to unexpected opportunities and new ways of living.
Invest in your physical, emotional, and mental health.
Calculate more realistic risk assessments of what you want to pursue.
Build backup plans for the worst-case scenarios.
Realize that intelligent and ambitious people can bounce back from failure.
I recently met with
on my podcast. He shared how he prepared for a life of adventure, and what he had to sacrifice to pursue it. Listen and note the tradeoffs they had to make so they could spend the next year sailing around the world.
What do you have in your Gain column? What do you want more of in your life?
What is in your Give Up column? What are you willing to sacrifice to acquire more of the things you want to gain?
I’d love to hear about it, so leave a comment below!
I’m Larry Cornett, an executive coach who works with ambitious professionals to help them reclaim their power, become more invincible, and create better opportunities for their work and lives. Do more of what you love and less of what you hate! 📕 Check out The Invincible Daily Journals!
➡️ Want to chat with me about planning tradeoffs in your career and life? You can schedule a complimentary call.
